Trials, Tribulations, Tears, and Ecstasy

A year of training is coming closer to the end and I've reached a point of reflection, especially during the adventure of the weekend.

Searching on a journey of who you are and what you are capable of is put to the test in an Ironman. You have to push your mind and body beyond its limits every time you train with a new experience. This weekend I experienced trials, tribulations, tears, and ecstasy...

Friday, I found myself looking for a long bike ride. I felt the weight on my shoulders of training on my own...the trials of loneliness and solitude delivering an extra judgment in my mind needing deliberative debate. And the sleep deprivation of my work begging me to just allow myself to sleep in for a few hours on a weekend...

But the group rides dictate an early start and I succumbed to the tribulation of hitting up anyone I know with a bike to find a partner...and maybe even someone that likes to sleep in a bit. Alas the sleepers said no, and the early birds said yes. So off to Napa I went for a bike ride.

Riding has become my joy this year...in a turbulent year filled with so much change...I have sought the feeling of a single moment of ecstasy that I can get on a bike. Pedaling up 1500 feet of elevation wondering "why did I do this?" and "will this hill EVER end?"...I also feel the ray of sunshine on my face...the slight wind hitting my face...the nature around me that embraces me in an open hug to my soul...and a drum beat building in my ear from music. When the combination hits in just the right way, I feel that single moment of ecstasy and am happy to be alive and to experience moments like this.

The roller coaster of life means that the ride will not only have you screaming with joy but also in fear and pain. And of course I found myself in the trials situation with 3 tire blow-outs on a ride...and my 650 wheel size means other riders don't have spare parts for me. Instead of tears, I used my feminine wiles and with 20 miles to go and being in the back country roads of Napa...I put my faith in human kind and stuck my thumb out for a hitch-hike lift.

My faith in humanity was restored! People stop to help a sweaty greased up biker with a smile on their face and a story to tell. Thank you to Paul and to Lisa, each of 2 drivers that took me as far as they could on their journey...so glad our paths crossed on this day.

My Ironman weekend training can't be complete at 1 small bike ride....but the tribulations of work meant Sunday was going to be hard to get anything substantial in. How to balance the weight of 200 random strangers calling for my work and 1 person calling my mind and soul to get back outdoors into nature?

I escaped with only a couple of hours left of sunlight and sought out the ocean...something about the smell of the salty air, the sounds of the waves, the way the sunlight reflects off the water....or perhaps the need to mask my tears with the tears of the pacific?

I made the attempt to find a training partner again in a few quick emails and text messages, but knew I was again on my own. A feeling I have all too often lately and pondering if this gives me strength or is an act of eternal stupidity?

Golden Gate Park was the choice of my respite...I saw the lake and ran towards that water. My chest was heavy with all the work and thoughts of the day so when I saw a hill with a trail of steps...I felt the need to run up them...again and again. I felt every gasp of air expire from my chest and heaved for fresh air after a cycle of 5 minutes in anaerobic stage. I sensed that the intent of the fresh air was to refill my life as well as my lungs....and I kept repeating it over and over again until I felt back in balance. Many would call this training "hill repeats" or "train to finish strong" but today I will call it "expire the demons"

The hill was not enough and I needed the ocean... the salty smell that was just out of reach....so I turned West and ran. When I saw a road I turned away and found myself in the glorious desertion of trees and dusty trails....the feeling of anticipation of the water brought the ecstasy moment back for a second time in a weekend. You can see why people get addicted to exercise if this is what you get....and as I ran passed the water and felt the sea spray hit my face...the tears that had been held back from all the emotions of weeks joined in and streamed across my face.

I stood still for a moment and took in the moment, reflecting on the trials, tribulations, tears, and ecstasy that I have experienced this year on my IronMan journey....and with a big breath I turned around and ran back towards the car...and back to reality.